Monday, February 15, 2010

Three Awe Shits

Three times this week. Three freaking times! Ok, the first one was
no big deal. They couldn't find an authorized gate agent to operate
the jet way. Who was the person that shut the door on the outside.
They are authorized to shut an aircraft door but not authorized to
operate a jetway? How unproductive is that. Maybe that's why they
filed bankruptcy..... Hmmm???

Okay the second time was in Columbus, Oh. This is the lowest form of
wierdness I have seen US Airways pull. There was an odd flight
attendant with an incredible Napolean Syndrome, except she wasn't
short. She wanted everyone to know that she had authority. I mean,
gosh! Let me give you an example. I flew first class on the way to
Columbus and that flight was very comfortable and the service was
impecable! But, as the old addage goes, one awe shit takes away alot
of atta' boys. I digress, the return trip is the second awe shit in
this series of awe shits. The flight attendant I started explaining
about was stopping in every aisle forcing everyone to push their bags
in "or else!!". Now this is where it goes crazy! She cannot manage to
get the dinger sound to work to get the other flight attendant's
attention. She is in the rear of the aircraft and she was trying to
hail the front of the aircraft. The dinger didn't work. She came all
the way to the front of the aircraft and banged on the cockpit door,
they unlatched the lock to the cockpit and she literally screamed to
the pilot that the overhead dinger didn't work. It all sounds so
silly, but I was there! I was in my assigned seat, 5F (no upgrade
this time). The pilot calmed her down and told us we would be delayed
until they can get the dinger to work. 30 minutes later they still
can't get the dinger to work. But the pilot came on the sound system
and said very sarcastically, "we have other means of communication
within the aircraft!". Almost to say to the flight attendant, SHUT
UP! But of course he was politically correct with his calm submissive
self towards the antichrist of type A personalities.

So the third Awe Shit happened today on my way to Ohare, my second
least favorite airport; Denver International is my least favorite.

The aircraft secondary electrical system didn't work. I know that 72
degrees isn't stifiling, but put 143 people into an Airbus 320 and it
becomes a sauna. The AC didn't work without the secondary electrical
system. Well, guess what else doesn't work without that SES? The
engines won't rotate to start, so they have to roll the cart that
blows air into the engine to get it started. This really didn't annoy
me, because it has happened on several occasions. What really did
annoy me is a passenger in my row who didn't get upgraded to First
Class. I didn't either, but I don't let the whole world know I am
pissed because I didn't recieve an upgrade. She had the "whole world
owes me" attitude. I don't know what causes that kind of attitude but
I promise all of my readers to never act that way! If I do please let
me know!

So no matter what happens, if you are just glistening for doing
something so great and awesome, it can be overshadowed by just one awe
shit. You can have many great accolades, but one awe shit will delete
them forever. Why? It really doesn't matter why, but just remember,
people have a tendency to remember the bad things you have done
regardless of all the good. Don't leave this world with a bad taste
in everyone's mouth. US Airways has so much to give and learn, but I
see the same problems over and over again. I don't know if they can
recover from so much shit. No pun intended.

Sent from Tim's iPhone

Monday, February 8, 2010

SWA seat 15 A

I'm sitting in seat 15A on Southwest (SWA) flight 1509 traveling to Portland, Oregon. I find myself laughing at myself.  My ass is killing me, the flight is completely full.  If they served cheeseburgers the seat capacity would expand so far that everyone would need those slimming jeans for women.  Yes!!!! The men too.

I wanted to comment on the psychology behind the Southwest boarding phenomonon.  If you have never traveled using Southwest you may not know about the rules and the boarding process. Let me explain:

The boarding process on SWA is a simple process for seasoned veterans.  You know who I am talking about!  The "A" listers.  The people that fly SWA more than 30 segments a year.  I fall into that category but I don't buy into all of the hoopla. But if it is your first time you are going to be blown away.  Before I begin I have to explain that there are two types of SWA passengers. The first type is the anal pascifist who is an A lister who flies SWA so much he/she is recognized by every single flight attendant.  The SWA A lister gets to skip the long security line and recieves boarding priveledges over the second type of passenger.  The second type of passenger is the "who cares where I sit passenger" when they board or the person that knows nothing about the SWA boarding policy and arrives dumbfounded.  What is this letter and number mean?  Is that my seat number?  Oh my god! Really?! I didn't know I could check in online. Those are a few quetions the second type of passenger might ask.

Now, when the second type of passenger arrives at the gate they approach five tall silver pillars and two tv screens.  The pillars identify where you stand according to your boarding pass number and group. The tv screens tells everyone how the boarding process works but no one pays attention. 25 minutes before departure the gate agent reviews the boarding process.  Again, no-one listens.  What do you mean I board after the "A" group?  That is what a woman asks traveling with her two small children.  SWA is not family friendly.  The families board between groups A and B not first.  The A group has potentially 60 people. The B group also has 60 people but they board after the A group.  A, B, and C are the three boarding groups. Respectively, A goes first then B then C.  If you are in the A group you are almost guaranteed to get any seat in the airplane. If you are B, you are mostly certain to get a non middle seat but not your first choice. If you are in the C group you are very likely to get a middle seat.

Now, here is the phenomonon; most A listers travel together and sit together with a middle seat open. They also have a tendency to lean inward at the middle seat.  If you happen to be at the end of the B or in the C group, you are gonna have to chose the middle seat.  Secretly people are hoping you will pass their middle seat as they cower closer and closer towards the middle hoping you walk by them.  If you happen to chose that seat, you are polite and ask if anyone is sitting there.  As soon as you ask, you see the red sea split and that middle seat is wide open.  The person sitting  next to the hatch leans against the bulkhead and the aisle person leans out into the aisle.

It is comical watching people boarding on a SWA flight!  Today the biggest person on the flight boarded last and was flustered because all that was left were middle seats.  The guy sat between two other guys that were just as big in the shoulders.

I laugh beacause I start wondering what kind of SWA passenger I am...being an A lister, I don't have to check in online because I am guaranteed to board in the low A's. The only demand I have is usually a window seat that is perfectly situated to where my shoulder fits in it.  Guess what?  15A wasn't assigned, it was selected. I chose to sit here.  I suppose the irony between the two type of passengers are the one's that choose and the ones that settle. I want to choose what I want! I don't want to settle. I will live my life with this as my motto. For you SMFPB.   

Sent from Tim's iPhone